hi friends, and welcome back to Free Pizza.
Free pizza is a nice, unexpected thing in a strange world. I hope this newsletter is the same.
A lot has happened since my last newsletter. I got a kitten: Pepper, or PEPPY as we liked to call him. I had him for a month and then he died when I took him in to get neutered — a bad reaction to the anesthesia. No, this does not happen often. The vet said the chances are 1 in 10,000. I’ve seen figures that say 1 in 1,000. Regardless; it makes you think about what other extremely unlikely thing could happen to you. He was just a little guy.
Rest in peace my sweet and very feisty son/sun. I’m glad you never had to lose your balls.
The vet called me while I was in the hospital for a concussion, which I got from hitting my head on a floating shelf in my room. In an already extremely weird year, things have been even more weird lately. Healing from it all feels like it’s taking a long time.
Because of the concussion, I couldn’t do much except chill on my bed with the lights dimmed for a couple of weeks. I couldn’t cognitively handle work or socializing or reading or writing. Working from home is already isolating, especially for an extrovert like me. The concussion brought this isolating to a whole new level. During this time, I thought a lot about the privilege to be able to write. The thought of not being able to form coherent sentences together plagued me. That thought and that fear also helped me to seriously take a break and not try to push myself. Instead, I watched The Bachelor. I listened to a mediocre YA novel on Audible. One of these habits I have kept. You’ll learn about it below.
Thank you for reading and I hope this pizza is, if not fresh and delicious, at least unexpected and nice.
1. anthony bourdain 🔪
💡 if you like light beers in small glasses
if you look like this, dm me
I can’t believe it’s taken me six newsletters to write about Bourdain in this newsletter. It probably stems from a fear of not doing him justice. I’m obsessed with Bourdain’s entire Franchise, a term he would hate, but it’s how I will describe the body of work that is Kitchen Confidential, the 2000 explosive memoir about the restaurant industry, No Reservations, the nine-season Travel Channel show and le creme de la creme — ft. that clip of Bourdain and Obama drinking light beers in Vietnam — Parts Unknown which aired on CNN from 2013 until Bourdain’s death in 2018.
Many people have written about Bourdain, including Helen Rosner in The New Yorker and a great oral history from people who knew him best in GQ. What I like most about him is the way he embraces what is rough around the edges; he’s kind of a skeptical asshole crust punk, but he is never the center of any story. He appreciates food in its context: There are times when you eat at Spain’s El Bulli, the greatest restaurant in the world and there are times when you eat raccoon in the Ozarks. He wants to get to the root of why a place or a person is the way it is, and how it informs and is informed by food. These aren’t food travel shows; they’re more like sociological portraits of what a time and place is, told through the food. Parts Unknown, in many episodes, is barely even about food.
My personal favorite is the Borneo episode, where Bourdain spends three straight days getting wildly drunk in a longhouse, gets a tattoo and slaughters a goat. (He does a lot of slaughtering animals, which he hates).
He died in 2018 of suicide in a Paris hotel while filming Parts Unknown. Watching old episodes is a little haunting; it feels like there are so many signs that we can only now recognize as signs. He talks a lot about death, or about wanting to go back to his hotel room and take a bunch of sleeping pills. Earlier this year, my uncle, who was also a chef, died of suicide. When I watch those old episodes of Bourdain, I feel so profoundly sad and angry that his suicide wasn’t prevented. It also makes me feel less guilty for not being able to prevent a suicide by someone in my family. It simply is not always preventable, which is what makes it so tragic.
Kevin Morby’s “Campfire” references Bourdain and Richard Swift (who died of complications relating to alcoholism) and I can’t stop listening to that part, which feels somehow like both a tribute and a caution.
Anthony’s dead and poor Richard too
They billow, they billow
And it makes me nervous
They widdled a fiddle from wood in our service
Anyway, Kitchen Confidential is one of my favorite memoirs I’ve ever read (and I’ve read a lot of memoirs). Some takeaways: Never order the seafood stew, buy a good chef’s knife (has anyone done this? DM me some recs please!) and he fucking hates garlic presses. Two seasons of No Reservations are on Hulu, and Parts Unknown is on HBO Max (ugh, I know I’m sorry — but it’s worth it.) Just don’t get discouraged by the awful theme songs. He’s a crust punk at heart, and that is why I love him.
2. the Bachelor Nation pit 🌹
💡for when literally nothing else makes sense
Nick Viall, the G.O.A.T., if ya know ya know
I can’t stop consuming Bachelor Nation content. There is a term for this, coined by the Game of Roses podcast hosts @BachelorClues and @pacecase. It’s called being In The Pit. Speaking from The Pit, it’s a complex place to be, full of contradictions, complicity and if I’m being totally honest: utter joy.
I can no longer say I’m into The Bachelor in an ironic way. I am into The Bachelor in a critical, yet also totally earnest, way.
I think The Bachelor is on the precipice of an unprecedented cultural acknowledgement and — we can only hope for — a reckoning. Two other extremely smart, skeptical friends in my life have also recently entered The Pit. The Washington Post is starting a Bachelor newsletter. Something is changing. I’m not quite sure what, but all I know is that I started watching Bachelor as my only screen time while recovering from a concussion, and I never stopped. I dream about it. I look forward to each episode of the Game of Roses podcast. I revel in the contradictions between a show that is normalizing non-monogamy — thought, it’s extremely unethical non-monogamy! — that is also kind of Trumpy.
My new appreciation for Bachelor would not be at the level it is if it weren’t for the Game of Roses podcast, which is like watching the show with your two smartest, funniest, most skeptical friends. I don’t even know how to do it justice so I asked some fans:
“I like it because it’s genius, hilarious. in depth, goes way too far and still not far enough for me,” says @chlo3france (hi clues) (she also loves pacecase)
It goes sooo far, while toeing the line between eviscerating The Bachelor while appreciating it for the game that it is.
“GOR is the best Bachelor podcast because it breaks down the Bachelor franchise and reveals it to be a fascinating and troubling reflection of American culture and values, hilariously showing that nothing can be apolitical right now,” says @claire.aicholzer
When they received a bunch of reviews saying the podcast was too political, they made it more political, holding a “mock election” where they guessed who Bachelor contestants would vote for. (Spoiler alert: Trump wins.)
I recommend listening to this along with any of the The Bachelor Greatest Seasons Ever recaps (or just Nick Viall’s season) on Hulu. Or you can just start watching tonight at 8:30pm (!!!)
3. Nedra Tawwab 🛋
💡 when you’re having an anxiety attack
Since writing about therapists on Instagram for The New York Times, I’ve started following a lot of therapists on social media. My current favorite is Nedra Tawwab, who has been a therapist for 12 years and is based in North Carolina. She posts about boundaries, anxiety, breaking unhealthy cycles and vulnerability.
Like I talk about in my article, this is by no means a replacement for therapy. But for me, it may as well be a replacement for Xanax. In the moments I feel like I’m spiraling, I find it soothing to scroll and read and know that other people feel the same way.
4. living room karaoke 🎤
💡 when you miss doing activities while you drink
I think the only reason I have yet to write about this is because it’s such a big part of my life that I wouldn’t think to include it, like popcorn with nutritional yeast or Trader Joe’s frozen blueberries.
I love karaoke. As a former Theater Kid Who Couldn’t Sing, karaoke is when I feel like the star I wish I was if I hadn’t been around high schoolers who would go on to be literal professional singers. I still can’t sing, but liking to perform is a lot more than most people come to a karaoke mic with.
Luckily, my roommate and partner share the same love of the game as me. In April, my best friend gave me these disco lights that plug into your phone, and in May, we bought this ridiculous karaoke microphone. We go to the Youtube app on Roku and search karaoke versions of our favorite songs. Here are my top 5 go-tos:
“Dreams” - The Cranberries (this is my G.O.A.T. karaoke go-to)
“Psycho Killer” - Talking Heads
"Running Up That Hill” - Kate Bush
“Bad Reputation” - Joan Jett
“Come Clean” - Hilary Duff
I miss drinking and having an activity to do. This helps!
5. Jeopardy & the quiet shade of Alex Trebek 🧠
💡 when you want to feel really smart and/or utilize the random knowledge you learned from your Theater Arts minor
I spent an ungodly amount of hours watching Jeopardy in the depths of quarantine. My roommate, partner and I watched every single episode available on Netflix and Hulu. I’m not going to look it up because I don’t want to know how many hours that is, but in our defense, each ep is only 20 minutes long. Contrary to Bachelor or Parts Unknown, Jeopardy’s beauty is in its formula.
There’s not much you can count on in this world, but you can count on Jeopardy being comprised of the following pieces, not exceeding 20 minutes:
cameras pan over contestants as they wave and their name and hometown flashes
first game
commercial break
brief introductions in which Trebek unleashes some shade
Double Jeopardy
commercial break
Final Jeopardy
The only part that is not Q&A is when Trebek introduces the players.
This is where they share a story or explain what they do in their job and Trebek has to make sure they don’t talk too much about what it’s like to be a teacher or how much they’ve always loved Jeopardy. Usually he says: “Terrific!” But sometimes he lets out a quiet shade with a sarcastic “good for you!” or in this particularly spiky game when he calls the contestant a loser:
Thank you so much for reading. There are a lot of newsletter these days and I appreciate the space you allow me in your inbox. Please subscribe and share with friends if you’re so inclined! 🍕